Dont. What to Do When Your Partner is Financially Irresponsible Evaluate Your Situation. All investing involves risk, including loss of principal. What about when extended family members do things that encourage overspending, like maintaining an expensive gift-giving tradition or suggest expensive trips together? One of the greatest challenges for people attempting to adopt or maintain a life of financial responsibility is the presence of financially irresponsible people in their lives. I just dont put effort into maintaining friendships with people with whom it is expensive to maintain friendships. This might seem little, especially when their credit card hasnt declined yet, but think about how not knowing what something costs might make them undervalue it. Here are six steps to take if your partner has a lack offinancial goals, a tendency to overspend, or is seriously in debt. We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship. Work to create a plan that sets you and your partner up to save, budget, chip away at any debt, and set up long-term financial goals. Your first requirement when looking for a partner might not be a great credit score, but credit scores are actually so important, especially if youre going to move in with someone, purchase something together or have joint bank accounts. Let me be blunt here: there are many, many financially responsible people in the world that I could be friends with, so I dont really have the inclination to maintain friendships with people who encourage me to overspend. Youre not too concerned about how much your beau earns, if they pay their bills on time or if theyre up to their eyeballs in credit card debt. If you live together, this should be an even bigger red flag not only because it impacts you financially, but because it shows your partner isn't considering you, or how their bad habits affect. They may help to resolve any issues concerning money and even have large expenses run through them before they are finalized. Of course, some people prefer to be nomadic and not have assets to tie them down. Ive had my spouse spend more than I expected (and, honestly, Ive done the same to my spouse in the past, Im sure). You may also want to go to marriage counseling, or a therapist who specializes in financial issues. (Theres also a trust issue if you dont stick with it, too.). They Lie About Their Financial Situation, 18. This may include taking money out of the fund without informing your partner, stashing some of it elsewhere, or like the above, hiding the real state of the account. In any situation, just being open and honest about your situation can be the best first step to effectively communicating with your partner and possibly getting through to them. If they have no trouble exceeding their plan for the month or discarding it altogether regularly, you should be worried. Being poor or homeless doesnt scare such a person as much as other people seeing them that way does. Try to be empathetic rather than scolding. Bring your lunch in some days and eat with people who stay in the office for lunch eating leftovers. Is the Bare Minimum in a Relationship Enough to Make You Happy? Try not to scold your partner, but instead understand where theyre coming from. Obviously, if someone is in a bad situation sometimes they need a little helping hand from someone thats close to them, but as a responsible adult, they would be very concerned about paying this back. Money may not seem like the primary cause for concern for addictions that dont directly involve losing it, like compulsive shopping and gambling. But, aside from that financial concern, the match seems great. Give that person a ride to work. Even with that type of communication, however, many children face intense guilt if their parents are struggling financially. The first step you should take in this situation is to evaluate the problem. They live in the present with no concern for the future, 17. First and foremost, the two key elements to any rough edge in a marriage are communication and compromise. But you can take it as a warning sign if they try to use your relationship as an edge to get money from you. He can be reached at alandfeller@sloanandfeller.com. The thing about buying or spending money on luxury items and services on a regular basis is that it could land anyone in debt twice as fast. This behavior involves spending more than you can comfortably afford to. You dont want to be financially associated with someone like that. So, I came about to be a relationship advice writer! Whatever the reason, assessing the situation beforehand can help you better understand your partner and where to go from here. This means youll need to sit your spouse down and be as open and honest as possible. If someone is financially unstable and irresponsible, they will most likely owe people money. Dont be afraid to update your social circle. Even if your credit score was way off, would you say yes at that point? 2. Try to approach the conversation without pointing fingers. For one, theres a good chance you wont be able to get them to pay you back. If your partners habits are a part of a much larger problem, now might be the time to enlist the help of a professional counselor. At a time when the average American now has $23,325 in debt, excluding mortgages, and 35% of people who experience stress in their relationship blame finances, couples hoping to make it in the long. What is their primary struggle financially? Gambling is always a bad idea, and if someone gambles frequently, they dont tend to truly understand the value of money. They can find an entry-level job or two. Dont be afraid to walk away from a negative situation. Try tobe empathetic rather than scolding. 12 Healthy Ways to Deal with Disappointment in a Relationship. Mental and physical health can be put under strain, the pressure to repay owed cash can make someone feel anxious and depressed, people can lose relationships, and arguments in relationships occur. You might be receiving nice gifts all the time, being showered with expensive dinners, or taken to the fanciest places, but your partner might not actually be able to afford it. However, actually, more importantly, it shows that this person doesnt check their financial situation on a regular basis and doesnt know whats going on. The dilemma for many people in these situations is that they feel as though they have to choose between money and people and that it feels wrong to choose the money. Finances can make or break the relationship. Finally, you may opt to end the relationship if your partner refuses to acknowledge that they're a super spender. However, if your man, who still lives on a budget adopts this big spender attitude, it might have more detrimental effects. Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes? Remember: You can only help them if you want to help them and if they want you to help them. Thus, any financial pitfalls made by your spouse will likely blow back on you as well. Communicate, communicate, communicate with your loved ones. But as much as we want to make today worthwhile, a financially mature person knows to leave something for the future. Those are ways you can help without simply throwing money at the problem. Its what keeps you from joining an expensive trend sometimes, even though you wish you could. They can leverage family, romantic, social, and even professional areas of your life to subtly (and not-so-subtly) push you toward poor money behavior. When your partner is financially irresponsible? Avoid it. Take this free quiz to see if he actually likes you! Like most problems couples face, irresponsibility with money in some cases isnt beyond something you can tackle with communication. Does your partner lie to you about what their buying? You can begin by removing your spouses name from the household bills, so that only you have access to them and ensure payment is received. They Dip Into Emergency Funds Recklessly, 20. When you start dating someone the furthest thing from your mind is their financial habits. When youre young, the financial responsibility of a potential partner doesnt really cross your mind. Financial abuse is a very sick dynamic in a marriage. Communication is absolutely vital here. Simply going out with the expensive crowd isnt going to do much to secure your spot at work. They are immature and dont think about future consequences to their actions. A stitch in time, they say, saves nine. I mean, have you ever asked or had a new flame ask you if youre financially irresponsible on a first date? Instead of expensive travel, do a more modest trip together (for example, Im a huge fan of our national parks, so thats a modest vacation that I want to go on). Instead, openly offer non-financial help. If you are unfortunate enough to have such a partner who considers your money as a reserve for when theirs finishes, you might notice the following: their money management skills only kick in when it comes to your funds. Girlfriends should, however, not take advantage and become solely dependent on their man because of this. If your partner dips into their or your combined reserve fund for some flimsy reason, theres your indicator. Furthermore, setting up your own bank accounts for savings and paying household necessities is another way to ensure your spouse does not have access to your funds. Help them with budgeting. Dont. Relationship advice for women that is researched-backed and data driven and actually works. I feel like anything financed or bill wise is all on me, and I don't like it. If you dont communicate, both sides will continue to operate with unspoken assumptions and such assumptions will eventually come to bear, resulting in a very nasty conflict that can easily damage relationships. Being financially irresponsible isn't a good look either Outside of outright financial infidelity, being financially irresponsible is also a cardinal sin for most people when it comes to finding a soulmate. They also have the capacity to take a low-wage jobthey dont have to keep holding out for some kind of perfect job. A financially irresponsible dude might be a catch in every other way, so always make sure to be on the lookout for the above red flags before you commit fully. Unfortunately, that doesnt always happen. 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